Day 2 of the Lexapro (it’s an SSRI like Prozac. Slightly different, though). Yesterday (day 1) I was really hung over and I took an adderall to wake up at work, so I couldn’t tell which effects were from the Lexapro and which were from the adderall. But today, I’m chemical free so I can pinpoint the Lexa side effects.
I’m noticing I’m clenching my jaw tightly, a slight headache (it’s supposed to go away after a few weeks) I have a bit of dry mouth, a bit of jittery energy, and best of all, no appetite! I’m hoping that the last symptom won’t ever leave me. I love the feeling of being empty and energized!
It hasn’t done anything for my depression or anxiety yet, but the doc said that it normally doesn’t take great effect until about the 2nd week.
127 this morning. Think I can make 120 by the 28th? That’s 7 lbs in 9 days…I think I can do it! If not, at least 122 by the 28th.
How is everybody doing?
- Location:work
Ok, I do know...it's mainly due to stress eating. I hate gaining, not only because I'm fat, but because when I gain, I feel so hopeless everywhere else in life that I:
- can't sleep
- eat more
- can't study
- cut myself
- hate everyone
- hate myself even more
- drink too much
- overdose on pain meds
- get back on cigs
- am too tired to workout
The list goes on...
I mean, last Thursday, my blood alcohol level was over .5!! .4 is the level when people go into comas or die! Holy fuck!
Spring break is coming right on time. I can focus on my scars, working out, and such.
But right now...I hate me. And I don't know how anyone else does any different. o
- Mood:
drained - Music:LUDO - Love Me Dead
I have to start 2468 tomorrow. There's no other way around it. I MUST lose 15 lbs in a month. It's ambitious, I know...but I think I can do it. No no...I KNOW I can do it. I WILL. People have done it. It's not impossible. It's justing going to take some determination and will power.
- Mood:
busy
right now i would. i'm so tired of feeling this way. always. i just can't take it anymore. just when i think i'm getting better, i do this all again. i need drugs. i need sleep. i need some sort of excape. i need to be a new person. i need to not be here. i need to end it. i need to love myself.
but since that's not going to happen, i need to quit now.
Breakfast @ 7am
1/2 cup shredded spoonfulls (90)
1/4 cup skim milk (20)
few bites of Julia's coffee cake (it was still warm!! grrrr why does she have to bake all the effing time?!) (75 cals?)
coffee with splenda (5)
Lunch @ 12:30pm
1/2 turkey, lettuce and tomato on oat bread (90 cals)
multi-vitamin, calcium suppliment, iron suppliment
Workout @ 6:30-8:30
8min walk in the snow both ways
60 min jog (minus 650 cals)
15 mins light weights
20 mins abs and mat exercises
all in all, probably just under 800 cals
Dinner @8:30pm...yeah, a little late
1/2 cup chili (once again, JULIA!!) (97 cals?)
salad-1c lettuce (7) 1cspinach (7) red pepper, onion and tomato (7) feta (10) vinegar, pepper, garlic and salt
So, my fitday says that I had an intake of 556, and an output through activity of 756. Add all of that to the 2239 cals i lose in a day, I lost about 2439 cals!!!
Not a bad day, really. I checked the scale, and I'm one pound away from my first goal weight of 120lbs. It's been a good day :) I just have to watch my sodium intake. Today was a bit more than I should have done. I wish I hadn't had the coffee cake. I didn't need it and it really had no nutritional value. Oh well! Really, I did well today with the workout :)
9 days until I go home! God I miss everyone so much!!
- Mood:
satisfied
Sunday. Ok I had a coffee this morning with a tiny bit of skim milk. (20 cals)
I walked around outside with my bf all morning, so I burned that off.
I was feeling light headed so I ate an apple. (60 cals?)
and then my roomies called me down to have dinner with them. So I ate some veggie soup, a piece of toast with a tiny bit of pepperjack cheese and tomato. That was fine, and I should have stopped there...but then I ate chips and black bean salsa! Damn! AND THEN I ate a square of dark chocolate. And then I ate two hot peppers! So dinner was what, like just over 300 calories?
Ok, if I eat nothing more, I can keep it under 400 cals. That's not too bad, but I wish I had restrained myself at dinner.
But I'll go to the gym tonight and work off over 700 calories, so I guess it works out.
Sigh...Mike is getting suspicious :(
Breakfast - puffins in skim milk. bite peanut butter. a lot of coffee
Lunch - nothing!
Dinner - Home made veggie soup, 1/2 slice bread, bite cheese 1/2 chocolate chip cookie (stupid rommates)
Gym-60minutes arc trainer, abs, mat exercizes and light leg weights
down four pounds. 125. 20lbs away from goal
I woke up late for work today. I was so pissed off because I've been doing so well of late! But then I looked in the mirror and saw that my stomach was finally showing slimmer!!!! And now I'm in a good mood, regardless.
So far:
Breakfast: Medium sized banana, chi tea (no milk or sugar)
Lunch: 1/2 plum, spinach and veggies with 1/2 hard boiled egg and vinegar
Dinner...I think I'll cut up a veggie burger and put it in a salad. a little protein and few carbs. :)
I plan on going to the gym for longer today. Hopefully I'll be able to run for an hour today!! I got to 50 minutes yesterday! Over 500 calories burned!
- Location:work
- Mood:
but with a headache - Music:mundy-to you i bestow
I’m trying to better myself. I want to be better, but it’s so difficult when everybody is so very critical. What happened to live and let live? Live to love and love to live? Treat your neighbor as you wish to be treated. That’s what I want for Christmas. And a little more self-control. Pray for me.
Breakfast: 1 flax waffle with 1tsb peanut butter, black coffee
Lunch: 3 bite size pieces of chicken with 1/3 cup brown rice and pinto beans, 1/3 cup fat free plain yogurt with blueberries, 1/4 of a orange bell pepper, peace tea
Dinner: 3/4 cup lowfat tomato bisque and 1 cup steamed broccoli with paprika
Gym: 45 minute arc trainer interval, stretching, 15 minute treadmill interval, sit ups and push ups, more stretching
Later, I’ll be going out to the bar with a friend. I’ll keep it under control though.
- Mood:
hopeful - Music:Ani Difranco - Tangled up in Blue
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